Episode 1: Lan Clan Boy Band Stan

I am approximately the last person on earth to have not watched The Untamed, and a friend persuaded me to live blog it. So, why not kick it all the way old school and do it on dreamwidth?

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Me: I think I'm gonna watch The Untamed.
Daniel: Yeah, it's very pretty but the plot is not as good as Nirvana In Fire.
Me: Pretty is good. I like pretty. 

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Episode One Begins...
There are way too many pretty people in these opening credits. I'm never going to be able to keep track. Especially since everyone has three different names. Breathe, Wendy, you got this. 

LAN ZHAN WANGJI - in big capital letters. Why do all TV shows not do this? I might actually have a fighting chance at keeping their names straight.

Oh no, now there are all these kids in identical white robes and headbands. Okay, one of them is Lan Jinyi and the other one is Lan Yuan, but I'm calling him Babyface.

"Wei Wuxian is really dead, right?"
Sure, kid. He's absolutely dead, and not, like, sitting on the other side of that screen.

These dudes are busting into a room with blood all over the walls and floor and don't seem to notice anything amiss. Does Mo Xuanyu do this all the time?

Babyface seems awfully interested in Wei Wuxian. Does he suspect something?

Uh oh, jerkface stole the cultivator's flag and now he's possessed. 

"You call yourself cultivators? You can't even protect a child." Ma'am we're actually the Lan Clan Boy Scout Troop.

I love how Lan Yuan and Lan Jingyi are totally ignoring Wuxian when he's telling them there's no need to call Hanguang Jun.

That is a really unconvincing looking demonic left hand. The sets and the costumes are so pretty, the practical effects are 1980s Doctor Who level. I love it.

Uh oh, Babyface, you forgot about Madam Mo's left hand!

Apparently when you are faced with a demon, you throw your clothes at it?

Lan Zhan defeats evil with a guitar solo! (Okay, it's a apparently an instrument called a 'guqin', but there's big lead guitarist energy here.)

"A first-class spiritual tool" Dude, you're a first class spiritual tool!

I feel like Mo Xuanyu could have left more explicit instructions about who he wanted dead if killing them is necessary for those cuts to heal? Sepsis is real. Although clearly they have excellent hygiene here in general, so maybe not.

Episode 2: Dat Ass, Tho

I'm liveblogging The Untamed. This is episode 2. 

Hey, nice ass you got there, Wuxian! (I am, OF COURSE, referring to the donkey.)

 

Listening to those two guys bicker over the monster-compass, while Wuxian's selective powers of being totally ignored kick in again! 

 

That donkey seems very impractical as a mode of transport. It's so small! I could bench press that donkey. To be fair, I could bench press Wei Wuxian. I could bench press that ass, is what I'm saying. 

 

Actually, I'm simultaneously really enjoying the fact that none of these guys are cut from the typical Hollywood muscular hero mold, and a little disturbed by how universally willowy everyone is. 

 

Going into the woods at night to get firewood is never a good plan. 

 

Oh! The elves of Lothlorien have captured the monster hunters! But look, it's Legolas! I mean, JIN LING RULAN. 

 

Wei Wuxian oh so tactfully keeps mentioning Legolas's parents WHEN HE IS CLEARLY AN ORPHAN! 

 

And the Lan Clan Scout Troop shows up just in time to save Wei Wuxian from certain death at the hands of Legolas. 

 

"It's not easy for him to discipline a junior from another clan" Ooooh, burn!

 

Dude, there's no way he can't see you behind that tree. C'mon. 

 

Now we get the Passing Exposition clan walking by, so that Wei Wuxian can realize how rude he was to Legolas. 

 

Aw man, even after Babyface questions the caretaker so thoroughly, the Boy Band still rushes off before he remembers the crucial bit about moving stone!

 

Oh, Legolas, you're gonna regret that wish. 

 

More 80's Doctor Who effects! Wheeeee!

 

Jingyi: Didn't you bring the bat signal? 

Babyface: Dude, I thought you were bringing the bat signal? 

 

Wei Wuxian playing soul-eater Sherlock Holmes to Yuan and Jingyi's Watsons is adorable. 

 

And Wei Wuxian steals a sword...in order to.. make a flute. All the crazy magic in this show and I think the ability to freehand a bamboo flute with a sword might be the most implausible thing I've seen. 

 

Flute solo time! 

 

Jingyi never seems to like Wei Wuxian's music. Does he prefer smooth jazz? 

 

Why is the undead Ghost General kind of ... adorable? Like he reminds me of the teenagers who sometimes end up hiding behind me at metal shows. They look all badass in their crisp and pristine Darkthrone t-shirts, but they realize that some 200-lb drunk dude crashing out of the mosh pit will absolutely flatten them, so they do the only sensible thing and find a sturdy middle-aged lady to hide behind. I would unhesitatingly put myself between Wen Ning and an asshole in a Pantera t-shirt, and I don't know why. 

 

On reflection, there's a lack of sturdy middle-aged ladies in this world and that might be their whole problem. 

 

And the hand grabs his arm! Yes! They finally meet! The actors know how to do a long lingering look. Do they teach smouldering stares in Chinese drama schools? Dang! 

 

Oh, no, now we have a flashback to the old days when everyone was happy and it's making me actually like Jiang Cheng. 

 

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Me: So, I watched two episodes of The Untamed. 

Daniel: You see what I mean about the plot. 

Me: As a criticism, I feel that that represents a fundamental misunderstanding of why people watch this show.