Episode 6: Whipping Boys

 

Zhanalytics

Brooding Stares: 3

Intense Eye Contact: 0

Facial Twitching: 0

Fist Clench: 0

 

Honestly, I think I missed some relevant Zhanalytics because I was too busy reading the subtitles and trying to absorb the exposition. 

 

Oh, I guess it wasn't Lan Zhan who bought the Emperor's Smile - it was Wei Wuxian. Figures.

 

It's nice to see Jiang Cheng let his hair down. Figuratively. 

 

"What are you boys up to?" "Nothing!" The least convincing Nothing in the history of Nothingness. 

 

"Go to the punishment chamber." There's a punishment chamber? 

 

Wait, did he just put a spell on Lan Zhan that makes him take orders? Somewhere in AO3 headquarters, lights begin to flash and an alarm sounds. "We'll need more storage to handle all the fanfic!"

 

Oops. Someone is knocking at Wuxian's door, and Lan Wangji is passed out on the floor. 

 

I like the idea that Wei Wuxian got his mischievous side from his mother. Can we have a 30 episode flashback about Wei Wuxian's mother? 

 

"It was difficult for him to keep his beard looking good back then." Wait...what? Are they implying that Lan Qiren and Wuxian's mom had a thing? Wuxian isn't the first in his family to have a summer camp crush on a member of the Lan Clan? 

 

How on earth did Lan Zhan get dressed that quickly? 

 

"Why is there a swirling tunnel beneath Cold Spring?" I have the same question. 

 

The Chord Assassination Technique!!! Yeah, I've seen Obituary live, too. 

 

And suddenly the cave is full of rabbits. What? Rabbits wearing headbands! What? Tiny Lan Clan headbands. Surely, making headbands for bunnies is against the rules. 

 

Twenty minutes ago, you were explaining that headbands could only be touched by parents and significant others, and now you're tying yourself to Wei Wuxian with your headband. I guess this was one of the "other purposes" that headbands are not supposed to be used for. 

 

What is Yin Iron? It's plot material. 

 

Yanli accidentally slips and falls into the arms of Mr. Jin Fancypants. This is like one long romcom meet-cute without so much of the cute. 

 

Lan Yi, former head of the Lan Clan, has been hanging out in a cave making tiny headbands for white rabbits so that they won't be harmed by her magical power chord. And guarding a piece of the Yin Iron.