Episode 26: I'll Take Necromancy over Insincerity Any Day

 Zhanalytics

Brooding Stares:10

Intense Eye Contact: 0

Facial Twitch: 1

Fist Clench: 0

 

We don't get to find out what happened with Wen Qing yet. 

 

The Brattiest Jin (Zixun) is giving Su She shit for taking the wrong road, but Jin Guangyao comes to his rescue. And flatters him about his swordsmanship. This guy. I could possibly forgive the stupid hat, but flattering Su She is a bridge too far. 

 

Did Jin Guangyao really not know that Su She was a former Lan disciple? I disbelieve. 

 

Brattiest Jin wants to start a drinking contest with the Lan clan. Guangyao tries to make excuses that they are driving (well, flying on swords), but Brat is not having it. Clan leader Jin looks amused. Jerk. I guess Lan Xichen does his golden core trick. Wei Wuxian shows up just in time to drink Lan Zhan's shot. 

 

And ask if Zixun knows a person named Wen Ning. Oh, it's going down. 

 

Wei Wuxian asks if the Jin clan is intending to be the new Wen clan. C'mon, you know you were all thinking it. 

 

What did we say about that anger management problem? 

 

"If I want to kill someone, who dares to stop me?" Lan Zhan, that's who. 

 

Just as Wei Wuxian and Wen Qing are going to come to his rescue, we see very unpleasant and probably fatal things happening to Wen Ning. Noooo! Not the cinnamon roll! How dare you!!!

 

"Just because it's right, doesn't mean he can say it to everyone's face." And that's why I dislike you and your stupid hat, Jin Guangyao.  

 

I think we're in for ugly crying time again. Yep. Here we are. Searching an endless field of bodies in the pouring rain. 

 

Now I think Wei Wuxian is going to do something arguably unwise. 

 

Oh, shit, no first we get to see the Jin clan absolutely double down on the pointless slaughter. These guys aren't even convincing liars. They rolled down the hill? 

 

Ooops. Wei Wuxian loses control of his undead puppet cinnamon roll. Ah, but the murderous rampage is interrupted when Wei Wuxian uses his courtesy name. I didn't even know he had a courtesy name. I mean I guess everybody has a courtesy name, but I don't think I've ever heard anyone use it. 

 

Lan Zhan thought to bring an umbrella, at least. 

 

"Yeah, uh, so, sweetie, I accidentally raised the dead."

 

Lan Zhan's gonna struggle with this for sure. I wonder how long it will take him to join Wei Wuxian in open rebellion?

Episode 27: Babyface - The Origin Story

Zhanalytics

Brooding Stares: 10

Intense Eye Contact: 0

Facial Twitch: 2

Fist Clench: 3

 

We have a symphony of Zhanalytics going on here. 

 

Oh, that's why the umbrella - so we can see Lan Zhan cry that one tear and know that it's not the rain making his face wet. Lan Zhan even cries beautifully. It is so unfair. 

 

Later, back at the banquet hall: Lots of tense discussion about what Wei Wuxian has done. Lan Zhan has to sit there and put up with all these assholes talking about his soulmate. 

 

"Does he think that everyone covets his spiritual tool?" Woah. 

 

Oh, Clan leader Jin is putting the pressure on Jiang Cheng. Don't play on Jiang Cheng's insecurities, dude. That's shooting fish in a barrel. 

 

Shut up, Jin Zixun. You're a brat. 

 

Mianmian speaks up! And gets shit from Clan Leader Muffin. Oh no, man, you are just a substandard baked good. You don't get to talk to Mianmian this way. 

 

Mianmian secedes from the clan and walks out. Successfully inventing the mic drop centuries before the microphone. Go, Mianmian. I wasn't expecting her to be the first to call bullshit on Jin Guangyao's peer pressure innuendo party, but she came through. Further argument that she is, in fact, a Doctor Who companion. (Trips over and screams, but also is the show's moral center.)

 

Lan Zhan walks out. Clean Leader Jin gets to work on Jiang Cheng again. 

 

Lan Qiren looks displeased. On the other hand, he always looks displeased. StupidHat looks pleased. 

 

Yeah, Lan Qiren isn't pleased. And he's taking it out on Lan Zhan. Lan Qiren also does not seem well. I have my doubts about whether he's going to survive to the flash forward. 

 

Oh, look, it's Jin Zixuan. Perhaps we can have some awkward flirting for comic relief. "I'm just taking a walk." Back and forth in front of your door. Repeatedly. Yes, thank you, Fancypants, I needed this brief period of levity. 

 

Hm, he seems to do a little better with his, "I will protect you" shtick than Jiang Cheng did with Wen Qing. Oh, and Jiang Cheng is watching this whole scene. Poor guy. 

 

Oh, look, it's a little moopling named Yuan. Wait. Yuan. Yuan like Lan Yuan. It's a baby Babyface!!!! jkfl;dak;lfda;jdskl;sdkasfjkfdsk;a! OMG, I miss the little ducklings so much. I even miss Legolas. I thought he was annoying at first, but honestly after spending twenty-odd episodes with the grownups most immediately responsible for raising him, I now regard him as a paragon of social grace and charm. Well. Okay, maybe not that. But still. 

 

Wei Wuxian clearly learned some things from Yanli. His interactions with Yuan are perfect. Maybe I'm just saying that because I have returned more than one toddler to their parents covered in dirt and giggling. 

 

Why is Wen Qing apparently doing everyone's goddammned laundry? Step up, Wei Wuxian. I might cover toddlers in dirt but I also cook dinner and change diapers. 

 

Jiang Cheng breaks the barrier surrounding this terrible place where people are peacefully farming and planting turnips. 

 

So, bro, nice cave you have here. 

 

Wei Wuxian seems so exasperated that everyone thinks he has the missing shard of Yin Iron. You kinda need a better PR department, buddy? 

 

Will the two brothers sort out their differences? Almost certainly not! But tune in next time...