Episode 36: Lan Zhan Nearly Reveals His True Feelings, But Chickens Out

 Brooding Stares: 10

Intense Eye Contact: 3

Facial Twitch: 1

Fist Clench: 0

 

Wei Wuxian has to carry Lan Zhan back to where they're staying and put him to bed. "Even after 16 years, he's still a lightweight." Lightweight doesn't even really cover it. Like, I'm not sure that this is physiologically possible. Do you even have a liver, bro? And does your liver actually produce additional ethanol in the presence of ethanol? Because that is the only way I can explain it. 

 

So WWX goes out into the street and plays the flute. And who's that coming down the street, dragging those big ol' chains? It's Wen Ning! 

 

Wen Ning seems a little out of it. Ew! I'd be out of it if I had that thing stuck in my head. Gross. 

 

Hmmm, so the Jin clan didn't didn't destroy Wen Ning after all. They imprisoned him. Because they're the Jin clan. 

 

Wei Wuxian declares he's going to borrow Lan Zhan's sword to cut the chains off of Wen Ning. For a guy who doesn't feel like carrying his own sword, he's awfully free with Lan Zhan's. #TotallyAEuphemism

 

Woah. I just googled "Bichen" (the name of Lan Zhan's sword) to see what the name means, and I learned that it means "to avoid dust (in the sense of worldly matters)" and also that apparently in chapter 119 of the novel, Wei Wuxian is, um, very free with Lan Zhan's sword. Welp. Reading the novel is going to be an interesting experience, I can tell. 

 

Wen Ning sees Lan Zhan appear and is like, "Oh shit, time to bounce!" Look at him run! He is so ridiculous!  

 

And somehow WWX and Lan Zhan get lost going back to the inn.

 

"Lan Zhan, what do you want?" He wants to give Wei Wuxian a .... rooster. I'm going to be very mature here because I'm sure that pun doens't work in Mandarin. Really, who among us hasn't presented our crush with random livestock in an attempt to express how we feel?

 

"Are they good or not?" Yes, I understand that young men are frequently insecure about their...roosters. No, I know the real double entendre here is that it looks like Lan Zhan is offering Wei Wuxian a bride price, but these jokes write themselves. 

 

They carve their names on a post together. That's so cute. Also, whoever owns that house is going to dine out on that story for years, I hope. "So, I woke up in the morning and all the chickens were loose and Lan Wangji and Wei Wuxian had left graffiti on my front porch."

 

When they get back to the inn, there's someone in a mask in their room. Lan Zhan appears to fight pretty well when drunk. Wei Wuxian just kinda sits back and watches the fun. 

 

Oh, no, now they're playing truth or dare. Lan Zhan likes rabbits. Lan Zhan's regret is that at Nightless City, he wasn't at Wei Wuxian's side. He kinda was, though? Eventually Lan Zhan decides that he has had enough talking and goes to sleep. Like literally, "okay, done now" and lies down and passes out. 

 

The next morning, there this gang of mooplings playing Sunshot Campaign. The one playing Nie Mingjue has a little moustache drawn on his face. That is so stinkin' cute. I am dead! Wei Wuxian asks why there's no Yiling Patriarch, and then someone's mom comes along to scold the kids. "Run, it's the Yiling Patriarch!" they all cry as they shatter. Poor Wei Wuxian. Still the villain in everyone's mind. 

 

"You didn't do anything last night. You just talked a lot." Lan Zhan doesn't really find this reassuring. "For example, I like-" That look of terror on Lan Zhan's face!  It's okay, dude, you just said that you like rabbits. 

 

They're off following the bag again. The road leads to Coffin Town. That's not ominous at all. 

 

And an ominous fog rolls in. 

 

"If someone sneaks between us in the fog, we might not notice him." "Be careful." Wei Wuxian makes a face - he was totally going to suggest that they hold hands. 

 

And Wei Wuxian runs into the ducklings. Apparently Fairy the Wonder Dog has been fighting with Apple. Jingyi gets to sass Jin Ling about his dog. 

 

Oh, look, the villagers have arrived. They don't look friendly. Lan Zhan deals with them with a single chord. 

 

Then the guy in the mask shows up again. Lan Zhan chases him, leaving Wei Wuxian to supervise all the teenagers. Lan Zhan has the less terrifying job here.  

 

The juniors are really bugged by the fog. Ugh, their tongues are turning black. It can't tell if they are really poisoned, or is WWX just messing with them? Perhaps both. 

 

Well, the shopkeeper is not creepy at all. Also aren't those those black puppet marks on her neck? And there are creepy paper dolls hanging from the ceiling. Yes, and now WWX sees the puppet marks. In other circumstances, I think even Wei Wuxian might nope out of this situation, but he needs to use the kitchen. 

 

Episode 37: Another Terrible Class Field Trip

 Zhanalytics

Brooding Stares: 1

Intense Eye Contact:

Facial Twitch:

Fist Clench:

 

Wei Wuxian asks for a volunteer. Predictably, Sizhui is the first to volunteer. Legolas follows along. 

 

That is some hella spicy congee Wei Wuxian is making. 

 

I've been working on a menu for a hypothetical Untamed themed dinner party. There would be lotus root and rib soup, of course, loquats (if I can find any), and some sort of dish made with radish. And spicy glutinous rice congee. And just to pay tribute to Zewu Jun, buns. 

 

Meanwhile, he asks the kids why they're here. They're chasing something. But they don't know what it is. Someone was hanging around outside Legolas's door, but when he goes to check, they're gone. Or are they? Maybe he let something invisible into his room. And then someone left him a dead cat outside his room. 

 

Sizhui is the only one who is paying attention to the congee while they are talking through all of this. 

 

The congee is indeed hella spicy. I still can't tell if Wei Wuxian is messing with these kids or just trying to get them to cough up all their bad qi. I suppose "both" is still an option. 

 

Someone's coming. It's a blind woman with a stick. WWX pretends it's something amazing, so Jin Ling has to take a look. He sees a creepy woman's face, and pretends it's no big deal. So Sizhui has to look and she spits up blood at him. 

 

Kid in the red robe thinks she's cute. Who is this kid? (Apparently he is Ouyang Zizhen. I think some Ouyang clan guys were lecturing Wei Wuxian right before the whole Stygian Tiger Amulet Keep Away game. Anyhow. He's got kinda weird taste in women but I guess we need a token heterosexual.)

 

Okay, she's blind, but not a monster, and clearly not having a good time. Then she runs off, and there's a blindfolded guy with a sword. He's also spitting up blood. Because he's been poisoned. 

 

They bring him in and recognize his sword. It's Xiao Xingchen! Why is Xiao Xingchen wearing black? I mean, I know in the real world people are allowed to have multiple colors in their wardrobe, but in this setting it seems like it should have significance. 

 

So they seal the door, and someone drops through the ceiling. It's a puppet Song Lan. Ew, his tongue's been cut out. Oh, gross, we've got another brain spike. Who does that to people? 

 

Lan Sizhui has a guqin too. Just like his daddy!

 

Song Lan was killed by Xiao Xingchen. And is being controlled by Xiao Xingchen. Or at least, "the one behind you." Which is carefully not the same as "Xiao Xingchen". Hmmm. 

 

The kids get sent outside, but Sizhui doesn't want to go. "Master Mo, you are so much like Hanguang Jun." Wei Wuxian doesn't like that. The puppet leaves too. 

 

Xiao Xingchen hands WWX a bag. Apparently, it is someone's spiritual cognition. Someone dead. Oh. Oh. That's not Xiao Xingchen. That's Xue Yang. That makes way more sense than it being Xiao Xingchen. And that explains why he's wearing black. 

 

Puppet fight! Wen Ning and Song Lan are going at it. 

 

"Do you often sneak up on people in the middle of a conversation?" Dude, have you met him? Xue Yang's response basically boils down to, "Dude, have you met me?"

 

Huanguang Jun to the rescue again!

 

Xue Yang has a sword called "The Looming Disaster"? I love that name so much. What is it with bad guys and double-bladed swords, though?

 

Our hereoes go to the coffin house, where freaky lady clearly wants them to open a coffin. And in the coffin is the real Xiao Xingchen. Looking very dead. 

 

"How about Empathy?""No way, too dangerous" Yes, we knew Jin Ling was not into empathy.