Episode 22: The Cyrano de Bergerac of Soup

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Zhanalytics

Brooding Stares: 11

Intense Eye Contact: 2

Facial Twitch:

Fist Clench:

 

Wei Wuxian and Lan Zhan, sittin' on a roof, inexplicably not K-I-S-S-I-N-G. They're re-enacting their first date. How sweet. 

 

Wei Wuxian isn't doing wicked tricks, but crafty tricks. Okay...I think I sort of get the distinction here. 

 

"Let me help you." That was unexpected. 

"Okay." That is the greatest amount of emotional weight an "okay" has ever carried. 

 

Nie Huaisang is apparently not going on the slaughter party. 

 

Jin Fancypants is apparently pretty good with a sword. Actually, I think we knew that already, I'm just surprised every time he doesn't suck. 

 

Oh shit, Wen Ruohan has unleashed the Uruk Hai!

 

This battle is not going well for our heroes. 

 

Nie Mingjue,  "I will sneak into Nightless City and assassinate Wen Ruohan." Do you want Huaisang to be clan leader? Cause this is how you get Huaisang as clan leader!

 

Who made Yanli cry? Oh, Jin Fancypants, of course. 

 

Yanli's terrible secret is that she has been...making soup for Jin Zixuan and having someone else bring it to him? I love you, Yanli! You Cyrano de Bergerac'ed your man with soup. Stand down, Angry Grape Mr. Darcy; Mr. Grandmaster of Demonic Cultivation with the Emotional Intelligence of a Small Eggplant; and Mr. All My Feelings are Boring. You cannot match Yanli. 

 

"How dare you tell Yanli to be self-dignified?" I wanna know the same thing. What is your problem, Mr. Fancypants? Yeah, smack him one! Fortunately, Lan Zhan is there to calm things down. No wonder Legolas/Jin Ling is so full of himself - it is truly a miracle he was ever conceived. 

 

Right, Jin Zixuan. Go eat inferior soup and think about what you have done.  Yanli, you can do so much better. Actually, considering the available candidates who are plausibly interested in teh ladiez...um. No, wait, I've got it - Yanli and Mianmian should run off together. Problem solved! 

 

There's a map painter with a secret identity. Could it be...Meng Yao?

 

Lol. Nie Mingjue actually said, "That asshole Wen!"

 

Everyone wants to know who drew the map. I think last episode I said that no one gives Zewu Jun shit for anything. Actually, everybody gets shit when their secret boyfriend is involved. 

 

Nie Mingjue's plan is not going well. And yup, Meng Yao is there in Nightless City. That little smile of his looks so smug now. 

 

Mingjue attempts to use the "Sword Assassination Technique." It is not super effective. 

 

All right everyone, don't get hit by the fire balls. 

 

Puppets? I thought you said puppies! This invasion sucks!

 

Oh, that Uruk Hai just bent that sword like it was some flimsy practice blade. Which it is, but you know. (I deeply appreciate the general lack of floppy swords in this show. Although I wanna know what their scabbards are made of, because they do a lot of parrying with those things, which I don't think is standard practice.) 

 

Wei Wuxian: Now that I have your attention, it's time for a flute solo. 

 

The Uruk Hai turn on the ordinary puppets. Our heroes do not die horrible deaths. For now.