Episode 12: The Unbearable Silence of Being Lan Zhan

Zhanalytics

Brooding Stare: 15

Intense Eye Contact: 2

Facial Twitch: 0

Fist Clench: 1

 

How much conversation between Wei Wuxian and Lan Zhan just consists of Wei Wuxian saying "Lan Zhan!" over and over and getting no response? Somebody make me a Youtube super edit, please. I bet it'd be like 20 minutes long. 

 

Oh, Jin Fancypants is going to make trouble over confiscating the swords. 

 

"Don't you look pretty." Yes, he is but he's stuck up. Oh, Wen Chao was talking to Mianmian. Do not mess with Mianmian, dude. I will cut you. 

 

Aw, Wen Ning is all, "Is my friend Wei Wuxian gonna be here?" He so desperately wants to play with the older boys, but his sister thinks they are a bad influence. His sister is, of course, absolutely right. 

 

Wei Wuxian "warming up" for his recitation is hilarious. OMG is he reciting the Lan principles? Yes! A++ smartass move, bro! 

 

Are Lan Zhan and Jin Zixuan going to be able to spread manure without getting their robes even slightly dirty? Yes they are. 

 

Aw, Lan Zhan actually seems concerned about Wei Wuxian when Wen Chao releases him. 

 

Holy shit, there is dog the size of an elephant in that prison cell. Or maybe a wolf? Wen Ning to the rescue!

 

Wait, are we supposed to understand that Lan Zhan has been walking around on a broken leg this whole time? Eh, medical realism left the building several episodes ago. 

 

"Jiang Fenmiang is such a coward, hiding away in Yunmeng." Dude, that's where he lives? Like, where is he supposed to be? 

 

Wen Ning is not subtle. "Hey sis, did you see Wei Wuxian at the indoctrination today? No, no particular reason for asking." Wen Qing knows all about what he's been up to anyway. 

 

Everyone else is reading the Quintessence of the Wen Clan, and Lan Zhan is standing there like the kid who won't recite the pledge of allegiance. 

 

And now they get to go on a really creepy class field trip. This is the worst summer camp ever. 

 

Oh, now Lan Zhan appears to be limping a bit. Medical realism has peeked through the doorway to see if it's safe to come in. 

 

Ugh. Wen Chao has a lady friend. Girl, run. 

 

"What he thinks is his business. What I do is my business." Wei Wuxian's motto. 

 

Wei Wuxian: "Lan Zhan, how is your leg?" 

Lan Zhan: "Fine."

Was that actually the first actual word we heard Lan Zhan utter in this episode? Oh, no, he did get a line earlier when he declined to recite the Quintessence. Still, I think he gets fewer than 10 words of dialogue in the whole damn episode. Wang Yibo must have been super smug during rehearsals for this one. All the other actors struggling to memorize their lines, and he's like "Okay, done!"