Episode 16: And From Ugly Crying to Cinnamon Rolls

Lan Zhan remains absent. 

 

 Aw, they're gonna try their hardest to paddle back to Lotus Pier, aren't they? Where's the rudder on this boat? 

 

Noooooooo! Wang Langjiao killed the little moopling archer. His last words are apologizing to his master for still not knowing how to shoot. I cry now. No, wait, I was already crying. I cry harder. 

 

Aw, Fengmian and Yu really did love each other after all. Sorta. I wish they had taken note of my number one relationship rule: If you love someone, maybe mention it to them before you're bleeding out together on the floor having been slaughtered by your mortal enemies. Oh God, no one in this series is capable of taking that advice, are they? 

 

And Jiang Cheng and Wei Wuxian get back just in time to see the slaughter and then get to overhear Wen Chao and Wang Langjiao trash-talking their dead parents. That is a really shitty way to find out that your parents are dead. I'm sorry, this is the least funny live blog ever. 

 

"Revenge is a dish best served cold."  Wait, what?

 

I kind of get the feeling that Wen Zhuliu is not trying that hard to find Wei Wuxian and Jiang Cheng. (And where did they leave Yanli in all of this? Oh, Wei Wuxian has just remembered her.)

 

Oh, do I have to watch them break the news to Yanli? No no no. And then it starts raining. Classic pathetic fallacy and I don't care - it's fully justified. 

 

On one level, I'm not really enjoying what a downer this all is. On the other hand, I'm deeply appreciating that fact that our heroes are being allowed to be genuinely messily grieving rather than just getting a brief shot of them staring moodily into the sunset, squaring their jaws, and getting on with glorious revenge. 

 

Uh, oh - Wei Wuxian goes out to buy Yanli some medicine and almost gets busted. And then Jiang Cheng has left the tavern. Because of course he has. 

 

Wei Wuxian sneaks back into Lotus Pier and grabs the first Wen he finds...and it's Wen Ning. I squealed with delight. Wei Wuxian seems less thrilled. I mean, okay, he has reasons to be cross with the Wen Clan right now, but Wen Ning is the least Wen Wen who ever Wen'ed. Like he was probably secretly adopted from Clan Hufflepuff. 

 

Someday, Wen Zhuliu is totally going to snap, and I really hope that Wen Chao is on the receiving end of that snap. 

 

Episode 17: Every Title I Think of Seems Disrespectful to Jiang Cheng's Emotional Anguish

 Zhanalytics

There is no Lan Zhan. There is only darkness and the bitter taste of Hefeng liquor that has been spiked with a powerful sedative. 

 

"Hey, this booze tastes funny." Because Wen Ning spiked it. 

 

We have a flashback in which Wei Wuxian comes up with the idea of making liquor from lotus seeds and leaves. 

 

And everybody passes out. Wen Ning came through!! A++ kiddo!! Jiang Cheng is not in good shape, but they get him out. 

 

Hours later, Wen Zhuliu gets the unenviable task of waking up everyone else. Oh, no! The guard gave up Wen Ning's name. On the other hand, even a dipshit like Wen Chao is probably capable of putting together "The liquor was drugged and the guy with herbalist knowledge who has been mooning over Wei Wuxian ever since Cloud Recesses has disappeared. Could there possibly be a causal link?"

 

Cores are definitely getting melted now.  

 

Wei Wuxian is pretty suspicious right now. I suppose it's not unjustified. Fortunately Wen Qing does not betray them all. I actually give big props to Wen Qing for not throwing a fit at Wen Ning for bringing them there. Keeping her brother safe is important to her, but so is doing the right thing.

 

Oh, shit. Wen Zhuliu melted Jiang Cheng's core?! That is not allowed. 

 

Wen Qing arrives at a completely awkward moment. I suppose it was too much to ask that Jiang Cheng would deal with this gracefully. 

 

Wei Wuxian wants all the medical books. Yes, we approve of this ridiculous autodidact. 

 

That little one-day growth of stubble on Wei Wuxian is super-cute. 

 

Wei Wuxian: We need to go borrow my boyfriend's book collection! That is the answer. 

 

Wen Qing's study habits are, predictably, much more organized than Wei Wuxian's. I love a good library montage. 

 

Hey, look! It must be the "How to Build a Golden Core" Manual. Unfortunately, it probably involves necromancy. Or the Yin Iron. Or both. Or Wei Wuxian giving up his own golden core. It clearly involves something horrible, but we get to be in suspense just a little longer.