Episode 32: Nope Nope Nope

 Zhanalytics

Brooding Stares: 11

Intense Eye Contact: 2

Facial Twitch: 0

Fist Clench: 0

 

Wei Wuxian sneaks into Carp Tower while Jin Zixuan's funeral is still going on. Apparently, the rest of the Wen Clan were killed. All of them? Even Sir who brews the terrible fruit wine? Nooooooooo. I don't see little Yuan. Intellectually, I know that he's still alive, but emotionally I assume he's dead and they just thought displaying the corpse of a toddler would be a bit much. (See, this is why I'm normally a bit lackadaisical about avoiding spoilers. My emotions don't care what my brain knows.)

 

Don't let Lady Jin see you, Wei Ying. Oh, shit, she saw him. I wasn't actually expecting that. Aaaagh, awkward encounter with Yanli. Like, you'd need to be a way better communicator than Wei Wuxian to come up with an adequate, "I'm sorry my undead puppet accidentally ripped your husband's heart out" apology. 

 

Okay, who's doing weird magic? Wei Wuxian isn't doing that. Oh, no, that's some weird resentful energy. 

 

This whole trope of people gossiping about Wei Wuxian while he walks up on them all unknowing never gets old to me. These poor saps who have been set to guard the gates of the Nightless City are all going to end up flat on their asses. They do. 

 

And now, the heads of the major clans are going to...have a nice cup of tea. Or liquor. Well, they're pouring it out on the ground - that saves Lan Xichen the trouble of spiritually metabolizing it. 

 

Lan Zhan arrives just as the poor saps who were set to guard the gates to the Nightless City are recovering. 

 

Wei Ying, this is not really funny. Okay, you can laugh at the Yao clan leader. He is actually funny. Stupid muffin. 

 

Wait, how many people died in Quonqi Way? First it was 1000, not it's over 30. I mean, 1000 is greater than 30, but it somehow doesn't have the same impact. Stupid muffin. 

 

How can you prove you didn't cast the spell on Zixun? Sadly, no mass striptease is proposed. 

 

Okay, who is this guy who is all, "I used to admire you, Wei Ying"? That's what Wei Ying wants to know. 

 

Okay, who shot that arrow? 

 

Clan Leader Jin orders an attack. Guangyao looks pleased. Zewu Jun looks despairing. Jiang Cheng looks like Jiang Cheng always does. 

 

The attack is not a success. 

 

Wei Wuxian is not attacking the Jiang clan. Aw. See, there's still some brotherly love there! 

 

Okay, there is an extra in the background who is lying on their back just waving their legs and their sword at nothing in particular. With great conviction. 

 

Lan Zhan incoming!

 

"I'm immune to the Song of Clarity." You just called out your lead guitarist, Wei Wuxian. Are they gonna fight?

 

Lan Zhan is going to pierce the black smoke with the power of his brooding stare. 

 

Yanli is here! Oh, shit, if they kill Yanli right now, I'm gonna cry. Go home, Yanli. If you want to send a message, use Western Union. This is not place for soup. 

 

And Lan Zhan defends Wei Wuxian. Oh yay! Oh no! There is no stopping the mayhem now. 

 

That extra is still lying on the ground waving their sword. I love them so much. They are a tiny spark of joy in this...mess. 

 

Wait, there's another flute player. Who the heck is that? They're making puppets. This is not cool. 

 

Nope. Nope. Nope. There's a puppet coming after Yanli. Nope. Nope. Nope. 

 

Noooooo! Not Yanli! 

 

Seriously? Seriously? Yanli gets stabbed by someone going for Wei Wuxian? OMG, I almost feel sorry for that asshole. Not very much. 

 

And she doesn't even get to say whatever it is she wanted to say. Aaaagh. 

 

Also, what did I say about there still being some brotherly love there? I think that might be gone now. 

 

Episode 33: My Emotions, Like Wei Wuxian After Falling Off the Cliff, Are in Freefall

 Zhanalytics

Brooding Stares: 20

Intense Eye Contact: 2 

Facial Twitch: 1

Fist Clench: 

 

Yeah, watching Yanli die isn't any easier in the recap. 

 

Now everyone is going to give Wei Wuxian a lecture on the battlefield, telling him this is what you get if you study wicked tricks. Jerks. Have some respect for Yanli, at least. 

 

Lan Zhan is cutting down everyone who's coming at him, and Zewu Jun is like, "Okay, bro, I guess we're doing this." 

 

I am still pained by how obvious it is the Wei Wuxian is not actually playing that flute. 

 

Lan Zhan gets slashed in the arm. Be careful, dude. I know you survive to the flash forward, but I'm not taking anything for granted right now. 

 

Now we get the keep-away scene with the Stygian tiger amulet from the beginning. 

 

Poor Jiang Cheng has not moved this whole time. He's just sitting there with Yanli. 

 

And now Wei Wuxian starts to fall. And Lan Zhan catches him. That is a good way for someone to tear their rotator cuff. 

 

Here comes the Angry Grape. And he shouts, "Wei Wuxian, go to hell!" and stabs the rock. Uh. Is this another fake out? 

 

And then, Wei Wuxian falls...

 

SIXTEEN YEARS LATER

Back in Cloud Recesses, Lan Zhan is playing music while Wei Wuxian is sleeping nearby. 

 

We get a brief recap of stuff that happened thirty episodes ago. 

 

"It's been sixteen years." Lan Zhan has a visible, "Oh shit, you're awake, now I might have to talk about things" reaction. 

 

"Did you really believe me back then?" Wow, we're cutting to the chase here. Are these two actually going to have a frank conversation? Lan Zhan doesn't answer that. Okay, there are limits to frank conversation. 

 

More flashbacks. 

 

And bunnies! I don't think those are the same bunnies you met before, Wei Wuxian. These are those bunnies' descendants, most likely. Although for all I know, they're cultivator bunnies, and they live to be a hundred years old, and can grow giant carrots by using the power of their golden core. 

 

I'm feeling a bit weirdly off balance here. 30 episodes of flashback is a lot, and then we jump from the absolute mayhem of that battle to being in Cloud Recesses.

 

Wei Wuxian surprises Lan Zhan bathing. Somewhere in the depths of AO3 headquarters, the alarm klaxon sounds. Lan Zhan has whip scars and it looks like he was branded? With Lady Wang's weird brand thing? How did that happen? There's no one from the Wen clan left. Although now I guess Lan Zhan and Wei Wuxian have matching brands. Is that romantic or disturbing? Yes. 

 

"What have you done to deserve such severe punishment?" I'm guessing it had to do with supporting a certain Wei Wuxian. Lan Zhan isn't telling, though. 

 

It's Babyface and Jingyi again. <3 <3 <3 

 

Uh oh, the first class spiritual tool is acting up again. The sword from Mo Manor is causing havoc. Huh, and I guess Lan Qiren did survive to the flash forward. I wouldn't have bet on that. 

 

The Lan Clan master might be dying but it's concert time. Gawd, that flute really does sound awful. Even I can hear it this time. Clan Master Lan begs for it to stop. 

 

They subdue the sword.  

 

Babyface has figured out that the sword ghost is coming after the Lan clan. 

 

And Lan Zhan and Wei Wuxian figure it out in the same moment: Xue Yang. 

 

In the Underworld chamber - it's a light saber? No, it's the sword ghost pointing to where it came from. 

 

So they go to Qinghe. And encounter a huckster selling unconvincing portraits of the Yiling patriarch. And Legolas shows up. And announces that he will wallop anyone who says the words "Wei Wuxian" in front of him. I can tell that this is the start of a beautiful relationship. 

 

And he has a puppy! Oh, I guess Wei Wuxian is still afraid of dogs. Off he goes...