Episode 5: Attack of the Kelp Muppets

[wshaffer]

Zhanalytics

Brooding Stares: 10

Intense Eye Contact: 1

Facial Twitch: 3

Fist Clench: 0

 

This entire episode is basically Lan Zhan trying not to explode. 

 

I love the fact that these two can have entire conversations where Wen Wuxian does all the talking, and Lan Zhan just has a series of non-expressions. 

 

Staring at your crush in the library. This is so middle school. 

 

"Can you stop looking at me that way?" No, I don't think he can.

 

Wen Qing and Wen Ning are the best-dressed. "I can't cure my own brother." Hmmm, I wonder what is wrong with Wen Ning?

 

Aw, Wuxian drew a picture of Lan Zhan. And slipped him a dirty book. Well, that got a reaction. Possibly not the one Wuxian was hoping for. Oh, it was Nie's dirty book. 

 

Uh, oh, something is lurking in the hills. It's  a Wen Clan owl. Why is the owl flying to Cloud Recesses? Maybe it wants to attend the lectures.  

 

The wards have been disrupted, and Lan Zhan thinks it's Wei Ying. Lan Xichen knows better. 

 

Wen Qing is not impressed with Wei Wuxian. And she's given medicine to Yanli. She better not be messing with Yanli. She seems to feel a bit wistful when she sees the brotherly affection Wuxian has for Yanli. She better not be messing with Yanli, is all I can say. 

 

Everyone wants to come along on the exercism! Everyone has their reason for why they should come along, and Lan Zhan is just all, "Nope. Nope. That is so unnecessary," and the Zewu Jun is like, sure, everybody come along. Oh, the *look* that Lan Zhan gives him. 

 

Wei Wuxian and Lan Zhan arrive at the inn. For a delightful moment, it appears that there's only one bed? Nope. False alarm. Stand down, fan fic writers. 

 

Mildly unconvincing day-for-night filming as a fisherman gets eaten by something. 

 

Oh, Lan Zhan almost had a facial expression there when Wuxian said that Zewu Jun was hiding something. 

 

What is propelling those boats? Magic, I guess. 

 

Wei Wuxian dramatically flips a boat to reveal a blob of evil seaweed. It is a kelp muppet. Seriously. Someone is doing their level best to make the kelp muppet look menacing. 

 

Suibian is the name of Wuxian's sword. Which appears from context to mean "whatever you want," but one online source glosses it as "as one wishes," so really, Wuxian is just saying, "As You Wish." It would be really awesome if that were a deliberate Princess Bride reference, but I'm 99.9999% sure it isn't. 

 

A kelp muppet wounds Jiang Cheng. Wen Qing puts some powder on the wound. I really wish I could convince myself that she is not secretly fucking everyone up. The kelp muppet flips Wei Wuxian and Lan Zhan's boat, but they just launch themselves dramatically into the air. 

 

Oh, shit. There's an entire school of kelp muppets. I am starting to be actually frightened by these things. 

 

Everyone abandons ship, and launches themselves into the air, except for Nie, who can't seem to get his cultivator engine started. Lan Xichen starts playing flute at the evil kelp, and Wen Ning goes to Nie's rescue. And Wei Wuxian goes to help Wen Ning, and HOLY SHIT WHAT IS WRONG WITH NING'S EYES. NOPE NOPE NOPE. 

 

Lan Zhan grabs Nie in one hand and Wuxian in the other, and Wuxian grabs Ning, and Lan Zhan hauls them all into the air. No problems with his cultivator engine. Wuxian is mad because Lan Zhan is holding him by the collar rather than the hand. 

 

Somewhat anti-climatically, the kelp muppet swarm is vanquished. At least for now. 

 

Someone tries to sell Jiang Cheng a comb for his girl. He doesn't have a girl, and he seems a little miffed about that. Aw, have we been missing an unrequited love interest for Jiang Cheng while we've been analyzing every interaction between Wei Wuxian and Lan Zhan? I mean, there are only two women in the world right now as far as we can tell, and one of them is possibly evil and the other is engaged to Mr. Jin Fancypants. 

 

And the episode ends with Lan Zhan buying two pots of Emperor's Smile. Oh, is this a peace offering? I bet this will go well. 

 

Comments

[teleidoplex]

THE KELP ARE TOTALLY MUPPETS!

And Zewu-jun is the captain of the SS Wangxian :D

I have confirmed that the character for whatever for Suibian is the same as the word Wei Wuxian uses for his big love confession at the end of the book (which, sadly, does not make an appearance in the show). So yes, generally, 'as you wish' is a good interpretation (I have THOUGHTS about that love confession. It's one of the best ever).

Finally, just because it will matter later, the idiot that Wei Wuxian and Lan Wangji rescue during the water abyss fight isn't Nie Huaisang. It's a Lan disciple named Su She. You are encouraged to hate him. He's the second worst after Jin Zixun (not to be confused with the Peacock, Jin Zixuan).

It's only important because Su She wants to be JUST LIKE LAN WANGJI, which is why he sent his sword in the water. But he is a sad, lesser Lan.

[wshaffer]

Zewu-jun is absolutely captain of the SS Wangxian.

Well, now I'm going to have to read the book just for the love confession. Curse you, Chinese TV censors!

Oh, the thing about Su She makes sense. Well, now I can stop dreading the moment where I stupidly confuse one white-robed pretty boy for another. I think I assumed he was Nie because I had accounted for all of the other major characters.